Graduation Day LA: Young activist balances courage with fears of being undocumented

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“My name is Marco Perez. I am undocumented and unafraid,” said Marco Perez.

Un-afraid. It’s taken Marco Perez a long time to openly say that he’s undocumented. He grew up in Los Angeles, but always knew he was brought to the United States as a child without proper documentation. Perez has lived with many fears and the feelings of being an outsider. His biggest fear: deportation to Mexico, a country he doesn’t know.

At his high school in Boyle Heights, Perez joined a club for students like him in order to feel not so alone.

“In my sophomore year, I joined the Dreamer’s Club," Perez said. "I had other students, other peers who were undocumented like me. Because it wasn’t like everybody in my high school was like ‘oh, i’m undocumented.’ No, they would keep it a secret."

After a year in the club, Marco grew tired of living in fear and wanted to be proud of who he was. At 17, he did something that more and more undocumented students are willing to do.

“Last year I participated in a civil disobedience to protest against Lee Baca and his unlawful deportations, but most importantly I did it for myself. I thought that I needed the motivation, that courage,” he said.

Perez believed his protest against the LA County Sheriff was one way to free himself from fears and shame he carried throughout his life. But, with this courage came uncertainty. Perez was one of five undocumented students arrested that day. As an undocumented youth brought to the U.S. before the age of 16, he qualified for deferred action. But his arrest threatened that guarantee.

“It made me just a little bit afraid that the one opportunity that has been given to me, possibly citizenship or even deferred action, might be taken away,” Perez said.

One afternoon, anxious to move forward with his deferred action application, Perez calls a lawyer in search of a clear answer; was his record affected by the civil disobedience?

“I just really thought that you were the lawyer who was representing me. I guess I was wrong," Perez. "I thought I had a case. I had to go to the court and everything...where can I just find out about my case? Who can I ask?”

The lawyer wasn’t able to answer the question that has been eating away at Perez. Despite the uncertainty, he and his mother move forward with his deferred action application.

During a car ride through Boyle Heights, his mother tells him that all they can do at this point is wait to see if it’s God’s will to make it happen.

“With this, it’s going to happen?” asked Perez.

“Yeah, that’s all, son. You just need to drop it in the mail, god-willing,” said his mother in Spanish.

Perez struggles to speak Spanish, but does so at home because his parents know very little English. His mother always reminds him to stay out of trouble, and be on alert because of his status. She is scared about the future. He’s scared too.

“If I work hard here and get my Ph.D, get in a situation and they somehow deport me, all my hard work would be for nothing," he said. “And, I would just end up in a country where I can’t really speak the language and I would just have to start over again. It’s a very scary situation.”

During a geometry tutoring session, one of his friends expressed concerns about college. He had recently been rejected by his top choice and he's not sure about the other colleges he is considering. Perez said he was equally scared.

“I’m looking forward to going to graduation, going to college," he said. "I wanna cling to the hope that I have that I can become a citizen in the United States. Because I just want to live like a normal life. Stop being afraid. Stop being embarrassed.” 

Perez is unsure of what he’ll study in college, but he’s certain it will involve computers. He is still waiting to hear back about his deferred action application status.